What a Death Doula Does — and Where I Come In
When people hear the term death doula, the most common response is curiosity followed closely by confusion. Some assume it’s a medical role. Others imagine it’s purely spiritual. Many aren’t sure where it fits at all.
A death doula is neither a replacement for hospice nor a substitute for medical care. We don’t diagnose, treat, or manage pain. What we do is hold space — consistently, intentionally, and without a clock running.
At its core, death doula work is about presence, preparation, and continuity.
We walk with individuals and families through conversations most people have never been taught how to have, and we stay when others have to leave.
How a Death Doula and Hospice Work Together
Hospice care is essential. Hospice nurses, aides, and social workers are the comfort keepers — they manage pain, symptoms, medications, and medical transitions at the end of life. Their work is deeply important.
But hospice is also limited by structure.
Hospice visits are intermittent. Time is measured. Staff rotate. Their focus must remain medical. They are not designed to sit for hours holding silence, facilitating meaning-making conversations, or guiding families through emotional and spiritual terrain.
This is where a death doula comes in.
When hospice leaves for the day, the fear doesn’t go with them. The questions don’t stop. The family doesn’t suddenly know what to say or how to be.
A death doula stays.
We support the emotional and human experience of dying — for the person at the center, and for the people who love them.
What Death Doula Support Can Look Like
Every situation is different, but death doula work often includes:
Before illness or decline
End-of-life planning before there is a diagnosis
Values clarification: what matters most, what doesn’t
Advance directives, wishes, and conversations that are easier before crisis
Creating a sense of agency instead of avoidance
During illness or the dying process
Sitting vigil
Holding space for fear, anger, regret, love, and silence
Helping families navigate what is normal, what is changing, and what to expect
Facilitating meaningful conversations and memory-sharing
Supporting the person who is dying in being seen and heard
After death
Grief counseling and emotional processing
Helping loved ones orient to the new absence
Continuing support once formal care has ended
This is not about rushing anyone toward acceptance or peace. It’s about meeting people where they are, without trying to fix what is not broken.
Legacy and Meaning-Making
Legacy work is one of the most misunderstood parts of this care.
Legacy isn’t about creating something perfect or leaving behind wisdom on demand. It’s about being witnessed.
Legacy work can include:
Letters or recordings
Memory projects
Storytelling
Reflection on relationships, regrets, and pride
Making sense of a life as it is, not as it “should have been”
Sometimes legacy is quiet. Sometimes it’s unfinished. Both are allowed.
Grief Counseling That Doesn’t Rush You
Grief doesn’t follow a schedule, and it doesn’t end because support services do.
Grief counseling in this context is not about stages or timelines. It’s about helping people understand that what they’re experiencing is normal, even when it feels disorienting or isolating.
It’s about having a place to bring questions that don’t have answers — and not being told to move on.
Continued Connection — If You Want It
One way my work is unique is that I offer evidential mediumship as an optional part of continued support.
This is never imposed. It’s client-led, consent-based, and grounded.
For some people, continued connection after death brings comfort, meaning, and reassurance. For others, it isn’t something they want or believe in — and that is equally respected.
This work is not about convincing anyone of anything. It’s about meeting people within their own belief systems, not replacing them.
Why I Do This Work
I’ve been trained in death doula care through formal study, where I learned the ethics, boundaries, and frameworks that make this work safe and grounded.
But I’ve also done this work long before it had a name.
I have sat vigil with loved ones. I have stayed when things got quiet and uncomfortable. I have not flinched when the room changed, when breathing slowed, when time stretched.
That experience matters — not because it makes me special, but because it means I understand the weight of these moments, and I don’t turn away from them.
This work requires steadiness. It requires the ability to stay present when there is nothing to fix. That is a skill, and it is one I bring with care and humility.
What This Is — and What It Isn’t
Death doula support is not about replacing medical care.
It is not about bypassing grief.
It is not about spiritual performance.
It is about companionship, honesty, and continuity — before, during, and after loss.
It’s about making sure no one has to walk this terrain alone, unless they choose to.
If you have questions about what this kind of support could look like for you or your family — whether now, later, or simply in preparation — you’re welcome to reach out.
There’s no obligation to be ready.
Just a place to ask.
If you’re curious, uncertain, or simply want to understand your options, you’re welcome to reach out with questions. This work begins with conversation, not commitment.
